10 Things That Will Bring “Sexy” Back Into Your Relationship
Does your relationship need a reboot? If you’re like me, you may have found that keeping the “sexy” in your relationship with your spouse or partner can be quite a challenge.
Men can be just as challenging as raising a 2-year-old. I think there’s a good reason why the writer of “The Jungle Book” refers to the human baby boy as a “Man Child.” I think it’s because men never seem to grow up. Or may it’s because they have such selective hearing and reasoning, which happens at selective times. I don’t know about you, but I married a great guy who just had to be a dog (more precisely a male mischievous puppy!) in his previous life. He lives to eat (anything that won’t bite him back), loves to play with anything (thinks my body is his playground), and everything revolves around one thing….you guess it….sex.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my Man Child and we have an awesome relationship! But there are times when I wonder if he will ever grow up! Intimacy is something that most women get, but unless the guy you’re with has taken notes from a romance novel, they still need help to learn how to be tender, seductive and s-l-o-w-e-r. Yeah, I can see your head nodding now.
So, for those of you who would like to rekindle that sexual spark in your relationship, here are my top 10 tips that I use to keep the “sexy” in our relationship.
Bring the “sexy” back with the little things you do.
1) Top priority: schedule sex. Yep, if you don’t schedule intimate moments into your busy calendar, it will get overlooked. This may sound strange, but trust me when I say that it makes a huge difference.
Having sex regularly helps both of you to feel wanted and desired. Even though it may not seem very sexy, you have to decide in advance when to make love….then just do it! Seriously, even a quickie session is better than none at all. If your partner continues to pester you for “playtime”, surprise him/her one evening. Everyone wants to know they are appreciated and wanted.
2) Touch. What’s the largest organ in your body? Your skin–with its millions of nerve endings. Human touch can be a very powerful way to “speak” unspoken words. Touching and kissing evoke calm, pleasure, warmth and love. This excites your endorphins and creates pleasure almost immediately.
Why is it when a man wants a back scratch or massage, we take time to make sure he enjoys the pleasure and benefits of our touch? But when we ask for a massage, it’s usually awkwardly given and lasts only for a couple of minutes. Part of this is because it’s difficult to “tell” a guy how to do something. So next time your partner needs to wind down and relax, take him to the bedroom, remove his shirt, bring out the oil, and let them know you’re going to share how to give a relaxing massage. Speak softly and slowly as you guide him verbally through your warm and sensual touch. Keep him awake by explaining where on your body you like more massaging or pressure. Don’t forget to ask him what feels best to him. You CAN teach an old dog new tricks!
3) Show your partner appreciation daily. Your relationship outside of the bedroom translates into the bedroom. A grateful attitude is contagious; so find fun and unique ways to communicate how much your partner means to you.
It’s easy to react to various stressors in your day, but it’s more important to “respond” to them. We should all think about our words before they are spoken. Otherwise, we spout out words and commands that only promote negative feelings. A good way to create a new habit with this is to remember when you first met your partner. There was a mutual respect and admiration that both of you shared with each other. Show your appreciation every single day in simple, yet meaningful ways. This will automatically make you feel better about yourself AND massively boost romance later. This is really important to practice if you slipped and said something that wasn’t very kind or thoughtful. Another good habit is ending each day by sharing what you appreciate about each other. This will take you back to what attracted you in the beginning.
4) Share household chores. Yep, you read that right. The bedroom is not the only place where the two of you can connect. Housework can be a fun experience when you work together.
If you’re like most couples, housework can be a source of constant nagging. So, try discussing who does what and when then make changes as they come along over time. Put on some music you both enjoy and create some fun challenges. Don’t be afraid to dance a little as you dust. Sharing the load is a good way to show each other that you both respect the home environment. It also teaches children that everyone in the family contributes to the condition of a home, so everyone can contribute to keeping it clean.
5) Eat real food, but not too much. What and when you eat in the evenings can play a big roll in how you feel closer to bedtime. Keep meals smaller and lighter and try to eat dinner no later than 6 PM together and at the table. Turn the TV off and bring on the conversation. Turn on some easy listening music and enjoy your meal.
Real food is unprocessed and in its whole form. Eat more spinach, Alaskan wild salmon, tomatoes, eggs, quinoa, beans, and brown or black rice, just to name a few. They are as close to the real thing as you can get. Wheat products and other high carb processed foods are far from real and cause you to be tired and unproductive. We get our energy from the foods we eat. So if you want to increase your energy at night, eat foods that promote energy, not rob you of it. After you eat, get up and move around a bit to aid in digestion. This is the perfect time to work together to not only prepare meals but to clean up after them.
Bring the “sexy” back in more intimate ways!
6) Bring back the FUN in your relationship. Emotions are contagious. Ever wonder how quickly you can become agitated when your partner is upset, depressed or unhappy?
When you create a habit to focus daily on the things you’re grateful for and the joys in life, you become a people magnet. Grab hold of it! Be silly and flirtatious. Laugh and play around. Leave hidden messages around the house. Whenever my husband leaves to patrol at our nearby ski resort, I send him off with a little love note in his bag and a couple of his favorite chocolates. It’s my small way of reminding him how much I love him and how much he means to me. Get creative and have fun surprising him. Do something sweet each week.
7) Make your bedroom your romantic sanctuary. Let’s face it; the bedroom is the one place in your home that should be filled with warm, relaxing colors and textures that make you feel safe, comfortable, relaxed and…yes, sexy.
The first tip that helps tremendously to increase libidos is to de-clutter your bedroom space. Model the room after the prettiest room you’ve ever seen. Little by little bring those elements into your space and make it your private sanctuary. Keep colors calm and soft. Keep fabrics soft and cozy. Display only those things that both of you truly love to look at. Grab the camera and take some fun photos of the two of you enjoying fun times together. If you really want to have a room for romance and slumber, remove any TVs and laptops and keep work-related things out as well.
8) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Most men are not good at guessing what you want. You have to be very clear and tell them what they need to know…often. Remember, they have selective memory! J
Men are not wired to notice subtle hints, conversations or nonverbal cues. You literally have to spell things out for them. Men do, however, respond well to appearances and anything visual. In other words, he’ll notice when you stop caring about how you look. But he will also [hopefully] listen when you begin to confidently share what you want or need from him. One thing men don’t like is a wishy-washy, indecisive partner. Connect with each other and share your passions and desires with one another. This promotes a closeness that continues with more practice.
9) Love your own body. Don’t think because you never felt you were sexy before that you can’t be sexy from this point forward. Accept your perfectly imperfect body with all its flaws. You are free to be as sexy as you want to be.
Just the desire to be sexy is a great starting point for finding your personal version of sexy. Stop beating yourself up because you are carrying around a few extra pounds. Instead, love your body for what it can do right now. Get your sexy on! When you wake up every morning and get ready for the day as if you’re going out to lunch or dinner with friends. Wear shapely clothing that makes you feel and look amazing, vibrant and comfortable. Let’s face it, if you’re not comfortable, you’re not happy! Apply some makeup to enhance your eyes and smile. Treat your hair to a youthful haircut or new color. Claim your space in this world and forget what other people think! Your whole world will open up when you take charge of being the person you were put on this earth to be. Your partner and everyone else will begin to notice your positive change in attitude! The better you feel, the happier you are. The happier you are, the sexier you feel.
10) Update your sex play. Your wardrobe isn’t the only thing that needs updating. Consider trying something new together. You never know what kind of fun you might have until you try new things.
Sex play products can create excitement while both of you experience the extra attention in bed. Work together to decide what kinds of “toys” might be fun. If you’ve never been comfortable without clothes, go shopping for something sexy to wear that will wow your partner. It’s okay to get a little naughty and slinky in your new bedroom clothes. After all, you won’t be keeping them on but for a few minutes anyway, right? Share your desires with one another and if you think purchasing some books may be a good way to start, do it.
So there you have it. My top 10 tips for keeping the love of your life happy and content. Pick one and start working on new ways to show your partner that they mean a lot to you. Don’t think that the spark has to die down or out just because it’s been awhile since you really connected with your partner. Just toss in front of him one of the “bones” mentioned above and I can guarantee your Man Child will retrieve it and come back, ready for you to toss it again.
Cathy lives in Roanoke, Virginia and specializes in supporting families who desire to change their relationship with health–the way they eat, feel and live. She is a certified Health Coach & Educator with a strong passion for supporting each client in their journey to feeling stronger, healthier, and more energetic. Cathy presents workshops online and locally and regularly talks about real food, fitness, natural living, and all things ADHD.
Cathy is the creator of the Holistic Wellness Academy, an online training platform that will soon provide other wellness advocates a place to share their expertise with their clients so they too can learn how to eat smart, move more, feel better and live longer.